THE DREAMS OF OTHERS

A sermon prepared by Rev. Tim Kutzmark
Sunday, September 16, 2007 • Unitarian Universalist Church of Reading

What happens to a dream deferred?
—Langston Hughes

When the call came at 7 pm, he knew something was wrong.  Later, he couldn’t say exactly how.  He didn’t really believe in ESP or intuition or physic links, but he already knew.  Maybe his heart told him, somehow.  After he hung up the phone, after he got the news, the first thought that ran through his mind was: “It’s been so long since we talked about something important.”  It’s been so long since we talked about something important.  “I don’t even know what she was dreaming of.”

What happens to a dream unheard? What happens to a dream that remains inside, unspoken, unfulfilled?  What happens when we fail to hear the dreams of others?

Frederick and Mary Ann Brussat write: “We begin our lives listening to the many sounds surrounding us in the womb.  When we are dying, the last faculty to shut down is usually hearing.  In between . . . we seldom take the time to cultivate the art of listening" (p. 282 Spiritual Literacy)

When was the last time we asked someone we love: “What are you dreaming of?”  When’s the last time we asked a friend: “What is your heart’s deepest longing?”

We tend to be a self-focused people.  We can spend a lot of time thinking about our own hopes, our own dreams.  I know I can fill a lot of time thinking about my favorite subject: myself.  Some say that our natural human tendency leans to the selfish. 

Yesterday, I did a search on Amazon.com to see what books would come up if I plugged in the subject “How To Make Your Dreams Come True?”  Forty-eights books immediately came up, including: How To Become Rich And Make Your Dreams A Reality; Heartwarming Stories About Making Your Dreams Come True; and my personal favorite, When Are You Entitled To New Underwear and Other Major Financial Decisions: Making Your Money Dreams Come True.

I then did another search for the subject: “Helping other peoplemake their dreams come true.”  The answer I got back was: “Your search did not match any products.”  There are no guides written to help us help others fulfill dreams.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, taught that we human beings are poorly tamed beasts that are unwilling to relinquish a self-focused wish to live for self-pleasure.  Many scientists agree.  Thirty years ago, in his controversial book The Selfish Gene, evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins claimed that our very cells, the genes and gene traits that are passed from generation to generation, are the ones that serve primarily their own self-interest, rather than the needs of the greater organism.  That is a fancy way of saying, “The genes that are coded to look out for themselves, to empower themselves, are the ones that survive and move into the future.”  According to this thinking, our selfishness is cellular. 

But every time experience pulls me toward that pessimistic point of view, every time I feel powerless in the face of my genetic lack of generosity, the Universe reminds me that we are beings with a choice. There is a more inside each of us than self-interest.

It happened again this summer, on July 6th.  I woke up, walked the dog, did yoga and meditation, and then checked my email.  Amidst the usual church related and friend focused messages, I found this:

Dear Tim,

Back in November 1988, I brought my parents and sister on a theatre trip you organized, to London.  We had a great time.  It's a good memory for me since it allowed me to fulfill my Mom's long-held desire to go to England.  After she died I found that she had saved all sorts of ephemera from the trip, and I felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that I had, with your help, made someone's dream come true.   

Best,
Deb Holland

A bit of background.  Back in the 80’s and early 90’s I had the pleasure of hosting a Boston radio program called “ENCORE,” which featured the music of Broadway and cabaret.  The show had a modicum of popularity amongst the show-tune and theater crazed crowd of Boston, and twice I led theater trips to London.  We called these trips “The London Theater Dream.”  Twenty years later, out of the blue, I was being told that a trip that I had completely forgotten about had allowed someone else to help her Mom’s dream come true.

That got me thinking.  What would happen if we all spent a little less time thinking about our own dreams, and put more effort into helping other people’s dreams come true?

Now, let me be clear from the outset, I’m not talking about tossing away our own needs and wishes.  And it is important to state upfront to the women here today that I’m not talking about turning back the clock on equal opportunity.  We have made some strides in moving away from a culture where women are expected to sacrifice their own potential for the male members of their household and workplace.  But I am asking us to consider: What would happen if we asked, heard, and then actively acted to make the dreams of others come true?

I emailed back to Deb Holland: “Tell me more.”  She replied:

“My mom's name was Anora Lougee Holland.  When I was [a little girl and was] sick, and lay in bed, I had two pillows at my head, along with my mom’s record player and her Decca albums of  “The King and I” and other musicals on ‘45s.  Mom and I read the same books always, many of them set in Britain – Jane Duncan, D.E. Stevenson, Miss Read, Georgette Heyer.  In the ‘80s, when I was working in Boston, I used to drive out to see her every Saturday morning, listening to [your radio program on the way].

I knew that Mum dreamed of traveling, but because my Dad had been in the Navy and spent time in China, Africa, Europe, and Bermuda his attitude toward travel was – why would I pay money to go again?  When [you] announced in 1988 that [you were] organizing a trip to London for a week of theatre, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to take my mother there.  I called her up and told her, and she was thrilled . . . As I remember, the cost was about $800 per person…for airfare, hotel, and theater tickets! 

So, we had an early Thanksgiving dinner and set out for the airport.  On British Air, we had another great turkey dinner (or you could choose Filet Mignon) and drank the complimentary booze, which flowed freely.   Those were the days, my friend, when air travel was still fun!  Not everything on the trip was as cushy, but we had a great time. 

Covent Garden, Sunday morning service at Westminster Abbey, Portobello Road market, pubs, the Tower of London, the British Museum, Christmas shopping at Harrods  – we crammed our days full.  At night, we did the theatre excursions . . . Follies, Forty-Second Street, but best was Lettice and Lovage starring Geraldine McEwan.

Right after that trip, I fell in love and got married and bought a house and had a kid – you know how it is. 

I had a plan in the back of my head that someday soon, when my daughter was old enough, we’d go to England and take Mom too.  But she died suddenly in 1996.  She was but 64, still blonde and slim, had ridden her bike to and from the pool that day. 

Mom saved everything from the trip - the menu from the plane, a hanger from the hotel, the lapel button from the British Museum – I found them in her bureau after she died. I remember thinking: “At least I got her to England! . . . and I felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that I had . . .  made someone's dream come true.”

What would happen if we heard the dreams of others: of our mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, husbands, wives, partners, friends, enemies, grandchildren, work associates, neighbors, strangers, all those who share this earth home with us?  Douglas Steer writes: " To 'listen' another's soul into life . . . may be the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another."

If we listen, what could we hear? 

What could change for our family, our friends, the community around us, the world beyond us.  If we listen, what could we do? 

If we listen, what would come true right here, right now, in this congregation? 

Today is “Bring a Friend Sunday,” when we open our doors and our hearts, and we remind ourselves that this church wasn’t built for us.  Our expanded campus wasn’t built for us.  None of this is about us. This is about something larger.  We are about something larger.  We are about a larger vision.  We are about those who are here with us today for the first time.  We are about those who are still waiting outside our doors, those who have yet to come, those who are searching for connection, belonging, meaning, spirituality, a place that affirms, protects, and uplifts.  We are about our world—our unequal, our unjust, our often broken and hurting world; a world that needs more kindness, more understanding, more dreams of opportunity and peace.

When you dream alone, it is but a dream.
But when we dream together,
When we act together
When we are together
We become the beginning of reality.

May it be so.  Blessed Be.  Amen.